Faith in Humanity: Gone

I got stood up again. What's eerie is how similar it was to the last situation.

Why on Earth do people call me asking to see the house and then pretend they don't exist? I didn't call them, I'm not a telemarketer, I'm not going door to door. I have an ad on Craig's List and that's it.

I've complained previously about people who say they'll call you back and don't, or say they'll come see your house and don't show up and you have to call them to even find out they were standing you up.

Well, I've found a new worse version. Twice now, someone has called me asking to see the house and I set up a preliminary time, but tell them I need to confirm it with the tenant and I'll get back to them. Within 24 hours I have spoken to the tenant, confirmed the time, and texted the person back. I even had the last person be like, "Oh yeah, texting is fine. I get free texting." After about 8 hours of silence in which I think, "Oh, they're at work. Or busy. Or haven't seen their phone." I then call them. Someone else answers. "Oh, my wife's phone, I'll take a message." "Oh, must have been my daughter. She isn't here. I'll tell her you called. Bye."

Next time I call back, nobody picks up. In the first case, I called back multiple times. They let it go to voicemail every time. I suppose you could still make excuses for them, but when I'm confirming an appointment a day in advance, the very least they could do is tell me, "No, we found somewhere else." "We're no longer interested."

Maybe they're trolling me. Maybe it's an organized "let's harass well-meaning leasing agents" event.

Maybe everyone I text not in my address book is being kidnapped by the NSA.

But no, they don't have the guts to say no, so they pretend they aren't home. Cowards. I'm rather disgusted.

First time I got mad. Real mad. I raged, I cried, I pouted.

Second time, I'm not even that surprised. Well, just a little, that it would happen again in such a similar way.

But really? Really? What is so wrong with humanity in that they make appointments, don't keep them, and won't even tell you that they have no intention of keeping them? And every new person you talk to is like, "I would never do that." And then half of them do. I will not be mad, will not hate you, and will completely understand if you don't want what I'm selling. But nothing ticks me off like people who can't do a decent human thing of actually keeping their appointments and communicating about not keeping their appointments. I keep typing because in reality I don't have the words to describe how much this bothers me.

And now it's carrying on to other things. I was playing a computer game and a person joined my group just to be like, "oh, I have to leave bye sorry!" I shrugged. Someone else asked for two minutes before joining my group and I said sure, but told the rest of the group, "Well, I guess we'll see if they actually show up and are actually what they claim to be." Crap, I'm becoming jaded.

What is wrong with people?

And now I know better.

If you know me, you know I like drinking. Not hard-core, go to the bar, multiple drinks or anything like that. I drink wine in the evenings and my favorite drink, hard cider, I allow myself on the weekends. Usually, nothing comes of it.

This Fourth of July, I went to my grandparents' at the lake and as usual, there was a wide selection of alcoholic beverages. I had a few beer-level drinks at about 5% and that didn't do anything to me beyond making my stomach feel bloated. Then I found they had wine, so I had some of that. My aunt had gotten me this plastic cup that was like a cross between a goblet and a sippy-cup with my initial on the side. Fun idea, but I had a hard time telling how much I was drinking.

I started to feel buzzed and I really like feeling buzzed. Everything seems funnier, I feel more social, and I enjoy myself up to 27% more than usual. I just wanted to keep that feeling going. So I drank some sangria and started to realize I was more than buzzed, I was probably on the edge of drunk. But I was still having fun and felt good. I told my aunt that I wanted to utilize the feeling while I had it, and "what should I do?" "Have another drink," was the reply.

Now, I know our decision making abilities are supposed to be impaired at this point, but I still knew better. Even so, I got more wine.

Maybe it is just my normal propensity to over analyze whatever I'm feeling, but I soon came to realize I was no longer having fun. I wasn't able to focus, I was saying things I probably wouldn't normally say, I had a hard time walking. I started to feel slightly ill and so located myself on the floor of the bathroom, just in case. I remembered what was supposed to come next.

Well, I didn't throw up, but my eyes started just closing. I left the bathroom and lay down on a bed in the guestroom. I couldn't seem to snap out of it. Tipsy lasts for like half an hour, tops, if you don't keep drinking. They woke me up two hours later and I could tell I was still drunk.

I drank a lot of water and then went back to sleep. When I woke up again at 1:30am, I felt much better and drank more water. Next morning I felt fine.

Doesn't sound like a bad story, does it? I didn't offend anyone, didn't say anything really stupid, didn't even get hungover. But in the process of fooling around, I missed the fireworks, fire pit, sparklers, conversation. And that is not what I wanted out of the Fourth. I like the feel-good feeling, but it's not worth that. And in my general philosophy of life, it calls for enjoying the things you have in the place you are. And I missed them. And while I feel a little embarrassed for getting intoxicated, I'm more angry at myself for wasting all that time and sleeping the evening away.

And so, I don't ever want to get drunk again.

The World is a Cruel Joke

With a title like that, what do you think I'm going to talk about? Recent news?

Snowden on the run, hiding in other countries while the US demands he be returned so they can silence him? I wouldn't be surprised if I heard he got shot down by a drone. I'd be keeping my location a secret too.

That Wendy person in Texas filibustering an anti-abortion bill? Oh yes, I'm so glad she's standing up for women everywhere by making sure they can kill their own babies. I read a Bible verse where Jesus was talking about the end times where it would be so horrific they would say, "Blessed are the wombs that have never born children and the breasts that have never nursed." It was supposed to mean something along the lines of "Good thing you didn't bring children into this cruel world." It was inconceivable to them that women would be saying things like that because they didn't want to spend the time, money, and stretch marks on their kids. To be barren in those days was a curse. Crazy stuff.

Or how about DOMA? I don't particularly care about that. I don't think the federal government should be regulating marriage anyway. I WILL have an issue if they ever ever force churches or states to marry anybody they don't believe should be married. I don't really know about states, but if your church doesn't approve of your marriage (gay or straight), either you are in the wrong church or you shouldn't be getting married. There are other options.

No, today I'm just going to rant about people. And not the type of people I'm talking about above. People who can't even fulfill your basic courtesy. People who don't feel like they can say no so they would rather leave you in an endless chain of uncertainty. People who like to yank your chain.

Renting houses... I have seriously been working on a duplex for a month. I've probably shown it once a week if not more. I have shown it to at least twenty people. I have a question I ask after showing, saying "Based on this, are you still interested?"

Oh, yes yes, we're still interested. We just need to...
talk with our boyfriend/girlfriend/roommate.
check our finances.
could you see if I could have part time dogs?
could you see if I could have a 70/90/120/huge dog?
view another place.

We'll get back to you. What a lie.

But what's worse than the people who just never contact me again are the ones who tell me they'll contact me again... and never contact me again. Either everyone I talk to is getting covertly kidnapped, or everybody is so dang scared of saying "no," they put more effort into avoiding my emails and phone calls than just talking to me.

What's worse, I had a showing one day. At least the guy called me and said he couldn't make it. Another person was scheduled for a slightly later time. Me and mom sat in her car for twenty minutes before I had to call them to find out they weren't coming.

I've had people who say they'll sign a lease, but then won't answer my phone calls or emails. Say they'll sign the lease and then back out mere hours before I was supposed to meet them. Say they'll sign the lease but never be available. And meanwhile, I'm left with a house that may or may not be off the market. So I have to keep working on it, showing people, trying to arrange things. I would honestly give it to the first person who passes Dad's financial test and hands me a check for the deposit.

I can kind of sort of understand not ever talking to me again. But why oh why would you say, "Yes, we want it," and THEN ignore me? Why email me back at all? How is it that someone can go from being on top of their email to not answering for days?

Seriously, what is wrong with people? I would have a lot more faith in humanity if they would just be able to say, "Oh, we found another place." "Oh, we aren't interested anymore. Thanks for going out of your way to show it to us." "Thanks for wasting your time."

That, and use proper spelling and punctuation in their emails. Hard to respect anyone who won't bother typing correctly.

Cons and Costumes

I don't have any money, which is really a shame, as everything takes money. If I won a lifetime supply of Wal-Mart, money wouldn't mean a whole lot to me anymore. Hey, I know Wal-Mart isn't the fanciest shopping place around, but I could definitely make do if the price were right.

So the nagging question of money keeps following me around, and unfortunately, one of the things I have been interested in recently is Steampunk and costumes.

I want a Steampunk costume. I'd probably be some sort of mechanic or something, because when it comes down to it, I for some reason mentally relate more with street urchins, low-level laborers, common sailors, and the rest of the lower class than lords, ladies, and tea. Maybe it's because I only just started drinking tea.

Why do I want a costume? Well, I still love dressing up. Don't hate. I see a lot of other people dress up. There's a guy on my Facebook feed calling himself "Steampunk Boba Fett" and sporting a Steampunk version of Star War's Boba Fett's armor. I think many adults still like dressing up, but just talk themselves out of it.

Well, if I'm grown up, that means I can do what I want!

Within budget...

Anyway, it would be awesome to find some excuse to dress up. I can probably find one in my steampunk group, especially if I dress up like my role-playing character. Need to find some good boots, first. Halloween would almost be an excuse, except I don't dress like adult girls dress on Halloween. And don't go to parties or bars. And don't celebrate Halloween. Bummer.

So "cons" aka conventions? Of the nerdy variety? I'd probably never go, unless it were Steampunk. And really close. But I am trying to keep track good costume ideas for when/if I ever might need to dress in costume.

So, in order of occurrence (in my head).

Quinlan Vos













Yes, I realize he is a he. You find me some other Jedi with dreadlocks! Ok ok, fine, Eldon Ax, a Sith Apprentice from one of the books also has dreads, I think. I can't find a picture of her, though.


Or, Sarah Kerrigan

She's kind of the leader of the Borg/bugs in a computer game. Also has dreadlocks. Sort of.

Welp. Send me any other costuming ideas for the day when I have money AND am invited to a nerdy-but-awesome costume party! Those exist, right?

Biking in Ames (Part Flood)

You know what is so disagreeable about biking in Ames? No, not the flooding. The flooding is Sight-Seeing. We are all natural disaster voyeurs. We stare at tornado damage (and tornadoes), earthquake damage, fire damage, etc. Anything that rips that thin layer of "we've got it all under control" off.

To be fair, I'd stare at tornadoes, if I could ever see one. Lived in Iowa seven years and still haven't seen a tornado. I didn't have to live in Turkey this long before I was in an earthquake.

No, the thing that is really annoying about biking in Ames is this:

You see, that is a path. That is the path I was biking on. And that is where the path just ceases to be. This really isn't the first time it's happened. However, in Des Moines, most paths actually connected you somewhere, or worst case scenario, put you out at a sidewalk. Ames sometimes does that with little paths that don't last more than two minutes, but it also has a tendency to put you on paths that just end.

But I was biking during the high river waters, which also made it interesting. I don't know if it was an official flood, but some areas were flooded.

I also had a few more paths end on me, though it wasn't the city planner's fault this time.

That was a path at one point. Now it is a river.

And this.

That mud covers a path. I kind of got the hint as I was biking toward it because I was heading downhill and I could tell the stream was higher than the underpass.

Of course, technically Brookeside was closed. I figured I wouldn't sue them if I met my untimely demise by ignoring the barricade. Above was only one of the reasons it was closed. Here is another.

I also biked through puddles deep enough to cover my pedals at the low point and kept having to turn around because of blocked paths. But it's all sorts of fun to see what's happening. Well, depending on how long it takes them to get Brookeside running again. It certainly won't be fun a month from now.

Wanderlust

I know I attempted to post about this before, but somehow the use of Blogger between the computer and my phone ended up with the post disappearing.

I just picked up a book called Wanderlove, one of the staff picks from the YA section at the library. It appealed to me. It's about a girl who wants to change herself in the aftermath of a bad breakup. She wants to get back into art. Dress bohemian. Travel. Be independent. But in all this, she's trying to push against her own fear and reluctance and emotions weighing down on her.

I feel like I understand. Thing is, I didn't even have an identity when I got back to the States. Nobody here knew me and everyone I grew up lived elsewhere. It's a weird place, because on one hand, you aren't trapped being who you were growing up. We get so caught up in patterns I think we keep repeating them as long as everyone else expects us to. And as long as we are around those we grew up with, people can't see you changing things for the better, it's just a lapse. And then you come to expect the same thing of yourself.

For me, I could no longer rely on my friends and who I hung out with to be my identity. Not like it was everything I was, but I never had to think about it in high school. I was just one of the group, the emotional sensitive one, who preferred to hang out with boys and liked capture the flag more than everyone else. Oh sure, there were more differences, but that sums up about the only things that really separated me from the rest.

And then all that was gone, along with all the problems that went with it. So who was I? What could I become with the choices and opportunities offered me in America? What parts of myself could change and adapt and what would remain the same at the core? What did I WANT to be?

In Wanderlove, she approached it differently. Don't lie about who you are. You want to be something different, change yourself, not just what you say about yourself. She gets embarrassingly caught in the lies in the next chapter, so it's a good policy I think.

But she signs up for a tour of Central America and then meets some backpackers who are touring in a completely different fashion and ends up going with them. It's dirty and carefree and exciting and scary. And it makes me ache with wanderlust.

I get wanderlust frequently. I love Ames, my only home here in this country, but I have never been stuck in one place for so long in my life. I've been here longer than I lived in South Korea. It's getting close to rivaling my formative years in Turkey. And even in those places, I don't think I was ever in the city longer than two years without flying back to America. I haven't flown in maybe four or five years now. It's been the longest I've been grounded in my entire life.

About every changing of the season ('cept winter), I hit a point of really really wanting to just take off and go somewhere. The book and cool spring day makes me want to hike in a jungle or view Ireland or camp in a forest (with lots of extra socks) and grill food and find firewood. Summer makes me want to visit somewhere with sparkling sand and turquoise water and green leaves everywhere. Fall makes me just want to pack up my bags and travel Europe and see buildings, markets, museums. And actually, I suppose winter makes me want to go somewhere as well, if only to be warm. If I can make myself leave the house for it. I tried to get David to take me to Texas with him on the company plane, but it didn't work.

I've been trying to find my own adventure where I live. I take bike paths without knowing where they go. I had a small lake nearby in West Des Moines and would swim there. Here I have an aquatic center. Ames tends to have a lot to offer in the summer. They like to have farmer's markets and bands come and play and art fairs along their little main street. And I'm biking across Iowa for RAGBRAI. There will be things to do.

I just don't know if it will be enough to satisfy the craving I feel for somewhere else.

Family Business

I wasn't even really sure about family businesses. How do you fire a family member? Hopefully not Godfather style, strangling them in a boat before dumping their body in the water. How do you take orders from a family member? And then the classic, "My entire family are toy makers, but I want to be a dentist!" or some variation of that theme and the resulting familial pressure and disownment and Isle of Misfit Toys with a clear lack of teeth.

Why, I asked, would you want to run the same Italian restaurant that your parents and grandparents ran?

And yet, when faced with a similar, but less tasty, situation, I willingly ran into the arms of family related employment.

Dad has always had his hobbies, which tend to be an awful lot like a business. Back in the day, it was the stock market. These days, it's real estate. He is a landlord. And like any business, life is easier when you can just get your kids/spouse to do things. Don't have a delivery guy? Get your teenage son to drop whatever off. The store is a wreck? Pay your gaggle of girls in ice cream and pocket change to spend a Saturday cleaning it. I'm not saying that we're all being ripped off, just that we tend to be a low risk help. We don't work out, they didn't have to go through the hiring process and offer full-time or part-time hours and so on to get us. We do work out, hey, I could use some extra cash.

In the case of the landlord business, several of us could have potentially gotten involved. Dad's mentioned things like this before, where each of us contributes something to hold the monopoly on some commodity in Ames. Before we had a Craig's List, I think he might have been musing over a website of similar properties. With the housing, he hires Mom to clean the houses in between clients and my youngest brother Jacob to mow the lawns. If Nathan were around, Dad would set him to fixing things, hopefully without having to replace it, which Nathan's common sense and innate understand of things would come in handy. And right now, he's hiring me as a leasing agent. I get paid commission, and only commission, but as I don't have a real job, any extra cash would be helpful and I certainly have the time to do it.

And so, The Family is in business.

Now, Dad seems to have had a lot of luck in leasing in the past. He said he averages about fifteen people interested and about five showings before he finds a leaser. I'm using the same advertisements as him, the same strategy (show it a few days after the ad is posted), and I have averaged four contacts, three headaches, and a scam. I haven't even made it to a showing date and already I'm despairing of finding normal people out there that just want to lease. Is it because I'm trying for an August lease in May? Dad said he wanted it done by the end of the month. I was hoping to post the ad, take down information, schedule the showing, show it, and then go over a long list of potential consumers to pick the best one with Dad. At this rate, I'll be lucky if I don't have to call the renters and be like, "I said I needed three to six, and I know it's only three-fifteen... but nobody else is coming. You can have your house back."

What magic does he possess? Should I go home and rub his head? Steal is owl marble? Sit RIGHT next to him when he's working on his laptop in the back yard? Change my last name back to Lubinus? Collect pennies?

I need to learn how to channel this "family business." Or make 'em an offer they can't refuse.