I'm not much for phobias. It seems too psychological, and I don't like problems that reside largely in my brain.
I will admit to having been "toxiphobic" when I was a kid. I went on an OCD hand-washing spree, didn't like touching anything I thought might have been dirty, really didn't like chemicals. I honestly didn't get out of that until I got a cat and I knew that she was "dirty." She played outside and cleaned her fur with her tongue. Her paws had touched the kitty litter. But she was my cat and I loved her and I knew I couldn't stand to be around her if I thought she was dirty. So I performed some mental gymnastics and convinced myself she was, in fact, "clean." And once you ignore a glaring possible germ hotbed like that, everything else kind of fades. God made dirt and dirt don't hurt.
I still don't like chemicals.
So I knew that I was scared of heights, but never considered before that it might be a phobia, not until last night. Last night, I went on a stagehand tour of CY Stephens, our theater building that hosts all the larger shows in Ames. I'm going to be taking some shifts there, hopefully pick up stagehand skills. It's a pretty tall building. You stand on the stage and look up and there is row after row of drapes and pipes that can hold drapes and pipes holding lighting. Didn't bother me. Not until we got up to the top, to the spotlight room, then the catwalks in the ceiling. The ceiling wasn't too bad, as we were mostly hidden from the actual auditorium. But being on one of those little catwalks and looking down at the ceiling below you and knowing that all those boards are nailed in from the opposite direction, so if you fall, physics aren't going to be with you... The catwalk wasn't that skinny, but I was holding both bars on either side of me.
Then there was the uprigger position. Above the stage, above the pipes and the drapes, there is a mesh made of metal bars, the gap mostly too skinny to get a foot through. Mostly. Sitting there, there is also a gap over the edge, with a few bars of railing in the way. Am I top heavy, I wondered? Could I tumble over that? On another walkway, they manage the weights of all those things attached to those ropes. Sometimes stagehands climb up on the railing. It's next to a wall covered in ropes, but there isn't anything under those ropes. If a human fell, could they manage to catch themselves, I wonder. Sometimes the stagehands have to climb higher, to a bar behind the ropes. People would hand iron bricks up to balance the weights.
"What do you yell if you drop one?" I ask.
"'Heads.' As loud as you can. But you aren't going to drop one." His eyes are earnest.
"Oh, good," I reply.
They repeat many times that if we aren't comfortable, we don't have to do it. I don't know at what point I could ever be comfortable. Looking down that impossible distance to the stage below, my feet start tingling. My knuckles on the railing go white. Could I have acrophobia?
I've always defined phobia as a "crippling fear." Something beyond just uncomfortable, beyond afraid. To the point where you can't release that grip. Yes, I've always been afraid of heights. It's been more about the fear of falling from heights. Maybe that seems like a silly distinction, but it makes all the difference for me. For explanation, I am not afraid of roller coasters, or any other ride that goes high and fast. They lock me in so tight that if the system broke, I don't think I would ever get out. They'd have to jaws-of-life me or something. I know they have emergency releases and all that, but you get what I'm saying. I am not afraid of rock climbing when in a harness. I am really afraid of free climbing. I don't think I'd be afraid of sky diving. One of the hardest things I've done is jumped off a 45-foot cliff into water. That is entirely falling. I've fallen wrong before and gotten a horrible bruise. It can hurt. And it is so hard to make my brain, which is telling me all the reasons that stepping off a cliff is a horrible idea, to make it shut up, and just will my feet forward until there is no space left, and then that terrifying half-second where nothing is holding you up and the flat surface of the water is rushing at you...
It just occurred to me that either my dreams are trying to torture me or they have some sort of meaning... I have dreams of flying. But flying is never easy, it always takes effort, and mostly, I can't get off the ground. So I go to a tall building, or tree, or something, and I jump. I try to fly before I hit the ground. Maybe the meaning of my dreams is that if I just take a leap of faith and face my fears, I will end up flying...
Ok, that's too cheesy, even for dreams. Really, subconscious, I expected better.
If I can make myself jump off that cliff, maybe I don't have a crippling fear. But I'm wondering if I could ever be an uprigger.
Either way, I could go all Phantom of the Opera on this joint.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Quote of the Day
I was reading an article posted on Lew Rockwell Blog by an agnostic who has doubts about evolution, saying he thinks it's the political correctness of science. While he is an agnostic, he writes,
"To my eye, the damned place looks designed. By what, I am clueless."
That rather cracks me up.
"To my eye, the damned place looks designed. By what, I am clueless."
That rather cracks me up.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Prepping and how it makes me feel bad
As I encountered preppers both in the libertarian interest and the zombie interest parts of my life, it's got me thinking.
I'm not a prepper. Not remotely. If the power went out, I would probably die of frustration in a few hours for not being able to Google things, like, "What to do when the power is out?" Or IMDB that actor. Although I guess the TV won't work either.
Nah, I'd probably read books. But you get the picture. That TV show Survivor? I hope they come save you if you're gonna fall off a cliff or eat poisonous mushrooms or whatever.
But thinking about it past the initial panic, be it from a zombie apocalypse or major tornado or the economy collapsing. Say life isn't going back to the way it was anytime soon, your day job is no longer valid, and that grocery store isn't opening back up anytime soon. We'd have a barter economy and all of a sudden need, say, gardeners and hunters way more than receptionists or lawyers.
The thing about prosperity is that we've been able to outsource most work to specialists. Instead of having to maintain our own cars, we take 'em to the car guy. Instead of having to garden, we go to the grocery store or farmers' market. We've gotten so specialized that up the ladder of jobs are people who know a lot of very specific things that are very useful for a society like ours, but might not carry to being useful if we were dumped back to the level of a third world country. Like aforementioned lawyers.
So I thought about my skills. I have a degree in journalism, I've worked as a receptionist, food service, and oil change service. I have a decent grasp of the English language in writing. Which means I will have no services to barter with and probably starve. I certainly don't have any skills I can use to keep myself alive.
David is in architecture. Complex, he needs to know a lot of things. However, he'll even lose much of his usefulness come apocalypse. Maybe as people start to rebuild, maybe to recommend fortifications against bandits or zombies. But not really skills to pay the bills. His experience in roofing might end up being more helpful in that case.
On a prepper website, I saw a page at ReadyNutrition.com that listed 10 essential skills for survival. We'll start with survival of yourself first, and then those are probably useful for the barter economy once you get to that holdout and have to demonstrate you are worth keeping around.
In short, and you can read the actual article if you want more, the page recommends learning:
Outdoor Survival Classes
Medical
Hunting Skills
Disaster Training
Gardening Skills
Firearm Certification and Training
Canning and Food Preparation
Amateur Radio Classes
Sewing Classes
Candle/Soap-Making Conventions
I keep sitting here having the CDC's zombie poster staring at me saying, Get a Kit, Make a Plan, Be Prepared. Yeah, I totally printed it out and hung it up because it cracks me up that there's a poster implying you should be prepared for a zombie apocalypse with the official CDC logo in the corner...
So say I wanted to start with a few of those skills, maybe have a group of people (a lot of prep stuff seems to suggest groups) with varying skills. Outdoor survival seems too... vast. Probably should learn it. I was on board with medical until it mentioned stitches, and then I was off. Can't do needles into flesh. Not much of a hunter either. I get sad killing the worm to fish, and then hurting the fish by ripping the hook out. Disaster training seems vague, more like telling you what you should normally expect and how to prepare. Gardening, while not a current skill, would be a useful thing to have. Even minus the apocalypse. I do want to know how to use a gun for self-defense (although I'd rather learn Kung Fu). Maybe Mom can do the canning. Amateur Radio Classes sound like awesome. I wonder how long it'd take to master ham radio? Mom can do the sewing too. Basically, I think Mom should survive first. I have no idea about candle and soap making. Could be fun I guess?
So out of those ten skills to survive... I can't check any off. If I bought a first aid kit, I wouldn't be able to identify the use of everything in it. I can sew a button on, but not much more. I don't know the first thing about outdoor survival (I read about what to do in event of lightning, but I couldn't recall it next time I was in lightning. Just figured I'd go down with my bike).
And that's why prepping makes me feel bad. Maybe I should get on that. Get A Kit. Make A Plan. Be Prepared.
I'm not a prepper. Not remotely. If the power went out, I would probably die of frustration in a few hours for not being able to Google things, like, "What to do when the power is out?" Or IMDB that actor. Although I guess the TV won't work either.
Nah, I'd probably read books. But you get the picture. That TV show Survivor? I hope they come save you if you're gonna fall off a cliff or eat poisonous mushrooms or whatever.
But thinking about it past the initial panic, be it from a zombie apocalypse or major tornado or the economy collapsing. Say life isn't going back to the way it was anytime soon, your day job is no longer valid, and that grocery store isn't opening back up anytime soon. We'd have a barter economy and all of a sudden need, say, gardeners and hunters way more than receptionists or lawyers.
The thing about prosperity is that we've been able to outsource most work to specialists. Instead of having to maintain our own cars, we take 'em to the car guy. Instead of having to garden, we go to the grocery store or farmers' market. We've gotten so specialized that up the ladder of jobs are people who know a lot of very specific things that are very useful for a society like ours, but might not carry to being useful if we were dumped back to the level of a third world country. Like aforementioned lawyers.
So I thought about my skills. I have a degree in journalism, I've worked as a receptionist, food service, and oil change service. I have a decent grasp of the English language in writing. Which means I will have no services to barter with and probably starve. I certainly don't have any skills I can use to keep myself alive.
David is in architecture. Complex, he needs to know a lot of things. However, he'll even lose much of his usefulness come apocalypse. Maybe as people start to rebuild, maybe to recommend fortifications against bandits or zombies. But not really skills to pay the bills. His experience in roofing might end up being more helpful in that case.
On a prepper website, I saw a page at ReadyNutrition.com that listed 10 essential skills for survival. We'll start with survival of yourself first, and then those are probably useful for the barter economy once you get to that holdout and have to demonstrate you are worth keeping around.
In short, and you can read the actual article if you want more, the page recommends learning:
Outdoor Survival Classes
Medical
Hunting Skills
Disaster Training
Gardening Skills
Firearm Certification and Training
Canning and Food Preparation
Amateur Radio Classes
Sewing Classes
Candle/Soap-Making Conventions
I keep sitting here having the CDC's zombie poster staring at me saying, Get a Kit, Make a Plan, Be Prepared. Yeah, I totally printed it out and hung it up because it cracks me up that there's a poster implying you should be prepared for a zombie apocalypse with the official CDC logo in the corner...
So say I wanted to start with a few of those skills, maybe have a group of people (a lot of prep stuff seems to suggest groups) with varying skills. Outdoor survival seems too... vast. Probably should learn it. I was on board with medical until it mentioned stitches, and then I was off. Can't do needles into flesh. Not much of a hunter either. I get sad killing the worm to fish, and then hurting the fish by ripping the hook out. Disaster training seems vague, more like telling you what you should normally expect and how to prepare. Gardening, while not a current skill, would be a useful thing to have. Even minus the apocalypse. I do want to know how to use a gun for self-defense (although I'd rather learn Kung Fu). Maybe Mom can do the canning. Amateur Radio Classes sound like awesome. I wonder how long it'd take to master ham radio? Mom can do the sewing too. Basically, I think Mom should survive first. I have no idea about candle and soap making. Could be fun I guess?
So out of those ten skills to survive... I can't check any off. If I bought a first aid kit, I wouldn't be able to identify the use of everything in it. I can sew a button on, but not much more. I don't know the first thing about outdoor survival (I read about what to do in event of lightning, but I couldn't recall it next time I was in lightning. Just figured I'd go down with my bike).
And that's why prepping makes me feel bad. Maybe I should get on that. Get A Kit. Make A Plan. Be Prepared.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Zombies on a Plane
I wonder how far I could get off of making a blog devoted to current events, libertarian thought, zombies, and apocalypses.
What, you don't think those are connected?
Ok, fine, it's a tenuous connection at best. So I read Lew Rockwell Blog which has libertarians who comment on current events, some of whom are preppers who have an interest in preparing for disasters like apocalypses which may be zombie related.
But seriously, some of the stuff I could write about.
Ok, today's conspiracy theory is so out there that I don't think most conspiracy theorists would give it credence.
A little background. I'm reading a book called "Patient Zero" by Jonathan Maberry which is about the world post-9/11 and Islamic terrorists and big-pockets guys who fund them. They cook up a zombie plague and deliver it in the form of infected people to the US and then our hero must form a crack-team, blah blah, too bad it's not a season of 24. But anyway, I'm saying this to show where some of my thinking comes from.
An article from Lew Rockwell blog posted a chain of events and conjectures that are seriously far fetched, one of the claims being from something the Boston Globe reported, titled "Rebel leader suggests victims were dead before plane took off."
He basically said a lot of the bodies found in the wreckage of downed Malaysian Flight 17 weren't fresh, that they had been drained of blood, and reeked of decomposition. Also, blood serum and medications were found in the wreckage. I heard the plane was carrying AIDS researchers, maybe their luggage?
Anyway, the Lew Rockwell article suggested the former prime minister of Malaysia had been saying rude things about Israel, calling them murderers and accusing them of genocide. Malaysian Flight 370 disappears off the face off the map. Then Malaysian Flight 17 gets shot down and some reports say the bodies were... old.
A conspiracy theory site claims that the Malaysian Flight M17 is actually Flight 370, complete with passengers.
Another site indicates that the plane and bodies could have been a form of bioweapon, intended to spread contamination.
A plane full of zombies...? Patient Zero?
And even some of the websites themselves drew odd zombie connections. The Jimstonefreelance site wrote, "It is said that dead men can tell no tales, but when they are a planeload of rotting bodies that should have been perfectly fresh, THAT ALONE SAYS IT ALL, from THAT ALONE you can declare this plane to be flight 370, HOW ELSE COULD IT BE? Undead Zombies DID NOT board MH17." (Emphasis theirs)
The bioweapon-claim site writes, "In a worst-case scenario, and the facts thus far point to a hair’s breadth short of worst case, the MH17 crash on the Ukraine-Russian borderlands could have been the start of a real World War Z. Conversely the shoot-down could have been an act of twisted heroism in a desperate last-minute strike to prevent biological warfare on a global scale." (Emphasis mine)
I honestly can not make this stuff up.
What, you don't think those are connected?
Ok, fine, it's a tenuous connection at best. So I read Lew Rockwell Blog which has libertarians who comment on current events, some of whom are preppers who have an interest in preparing for disasters like apocalypses which may be zombie related.
But seriously, some of the stuff I could write about.
Ok, today's conspiracy theory is so out there that I don't think most conspiracy theorists would give it credence.
A little background. I'm reading a book called "Patient Zero" by Jonathan Maberry which is about the world post-9/11 and Islamic terrorists and big-pockets guys who fund them. They cook up a zombie plague and deliver it in the form of infected people to the US and then our hero must form a crack-team, blah blah, too bad it's not a season of 24. But anyway, I'm saying this to show where some of my thinking comes from.
An article from Lew Rockwell blog posted a chain of events and conjectures that are seriously far fetched, one of the claims being from something the Boston Globe reported, titled "Rebel leader suggests victims were dead before plane took off."
He basically said a lot of the bodies found in the wreckage of downed Malaysian Flight 17 weren't fresh, that they had been drained of blood, and reeked of decomposition. Also, blood serum and medications were found in the wreckage. I heard the plane was carrying AIDS researchers, maybe their luggage?
Anyway, the Lew Rockwell article suggested the former prime minister of Malaysia had been saying rude things about Israel, calling them murderers and accusing them of genocide. Malaysian Flight 370 disappears off the face off the map. Then Malaysian Flight 17 gets shot down and some reports say the bodies were... old.
A conspiracy theory site claims that the Malaysian Flight M17 is actually Flight 370, complete with passengers.
Another site indicates that the plane and bodies could have been a form of bioweapon, intended to spread contamination.
A plane full of zombies...? Patient Zero?
And even some of the websites themselves drew odd zombie connections. The Jimstonefreelance site wrote, "It is said that dead men can tell no tales, but when they are a planeload of rotting bodies that should have been perfectly fresh, THAT ALONE SAYS IT ALL, from THAT ALONE you can declare this plane to be flight 370, HOW ELSE COULD IT BE? Undead Zombies DID NOT board MH17." (Emphasis theirs)
The bioweapon-claim site writes, "In a worst-case scenario, and the facts thus far point to a hair’s breadth short of worst case, the MH17 crash on the Ukraine-Russian borderlands could have been the start of a real World War Z. Conversely the shoot-down could have been an act of twisted heroism in a desperate last-minute strike to prevent biological warfare on a global scale." (Emphasis mine)
I honestly can not make this stuff up.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
And a mouth full of teeth
You might know, but I hate cheesy graphics with cheesy sayings on them that people share all over Facebook.
One I saw today said, "The most useful asset of a person is not a head full of knowledge, but a heart full of love, ears open to listen, and hands willing to help."
Yeah, that will get you real far during the zombie apocalypse.
One I saw today said, "The most useful asset of a person is not a head full of knowledge, but a heart full of love, ears open to listen, and hands willing to help."
Yeah, that will get you real far during the zombie apocalypse.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
I know nothing about it, but I know Russia did it...
Can we hold the propaganda, please?
Before I start, I'd like to point out what I'm not saying. I'm not saying Russia or the Ukrainian separatists for sure did not shoot down the plane. I'm not saying that Kiev did or didn't shoot down the plane. I'm not saying if it's an accident or intentional, mistaken identity or a false flag operation. I don't know of that. And neither does anyone else, excepting the people who actually did the shooting.
And yet I've had several conversations here in Iowa where people just toss out, "Russia shooting down civilian planes..."
Guys, the US government lied to us about WMDs, about who used chemical weapons in Syria, and somehow managed to get rid of not one, but two hard drives with email records and blame it on routine. Their business is to do what they want and make sure we think they're doing it for the right reasons. Obama's "not a smidgen" of corruption isn't true, it's just what they want us to believe: They aren't corrupt at all, trust them.
As far as the Malaysian plane goes, my first thought was that we should send a group in to investigate. But who? You have to immediately rule out all the parties who have taken sides in this conflict prior. That includes Kiev, the US, the separatists, Russia, and the EU as they just want to play nice with the US. So how can we just automatically believe everything the US is throwing at us as evidence against Russia/separatists? The propaganda is too early. The US government is sitting there, having John Kerry say things like "It’s pretty clear that this is a system that was transferred from Russia into the hands of separatists. We know with confidence, with confidence, that the Ukrainians did not have such a system anywhere near the vicinity at that point and time, so it obviously points a very clear finger at the separatists."
I don't want to get into a huge discussion, going through all the evidence that we know and trying to point fingers. I've read a lot of things that question the official US story so far, and if you want to ask questions, here are some good articles:
Guilt by insinuation: How American propaganda works
Awkward Questions for the US-Ukraine
What happened to the Malaysian Airliner?
What the Media Won't Tell You
Remember, I don't know who did it. I'm just saying that the US is jumping the gun by point blame, and they are far too involved in this incident to unbiased or maybe even honest. Don't trust what the mainstream media trumpets as fact; they're in the government's pocket.
Also consider: The missile was made in Russia, but Ukraine using a lot of weapons made in Russia. The US has a satellite over Ukraine, but haven't released any of the images (why?). The YouTube video purporting a discussion between Russian military and the separatists talking about accidentally shooting down a plane is claimed to have the data marks of being made before the event. Just because someone says something is a fact, a damning piece of evidence on the news, doesn't mean it is, doesn't mean that's the only way to look at it.
I think we should wait to hear what an independent committee finds in their investigations.
Before I start, I'd like to point out what I'm not saying. I'm not saying Russia or the Ukrainian separatists for sure did not shoot down the plane. I'm not saying that Kiev did or didn't shoot down the plane. I'm not saying if it's an accident or intentional, mistaken identity or a false flag operation. I don't know of that. And neither does anyone else, excepting the people who actually did the shooting.
And yet I've had several conversations here in Iowa where people just toss out, "Russia shooting down civilian planes..."
Guys, the US government lied to us about WMDs, about who used chemical weapons in Syria, and somehow managed to get rid of not one, but two hard drives with email records and blame it on routine. Their business is to do what they want and make sure we think they're doing it for the right reasons. Obama's "not a smidgen" of corruption isn't true, it's just what they want us to believe: They aren't corrupt at all, trust them.
As far as the Malaysian plane goes, my first thought was that we should send a group in to investigate. But who? You have to immediately rule out all the parties who have taken sides in this conflict prior. That includes Kiev, the US, the separatists, Russia, and the EU as they just want to play nice with the US. So how can we just automatically believe everything the US is throwing at us as evidence against Russia/separatists? The propaganda is too early. The US government is sitting there, having John Kerry say things like "It’s pretty clear that this is a system that was transferred from Russia into the hands of separatists. We know with confidence, with confidence, that the Ukrainians did not have such a system anywhere near the vicinity at that point and time, so it obviously points a very clear finger at the separatists."
I don't want to get into a huge discussion, going through all the evidence that we know and trying to point fingers. I've read a lot of things that question the official US story so far, and if you want to ask questions, here are some good articles:
Guilt by insinuation: How American propaganda works
Awkward Questions for the US-Ukraine
What happened to the Malaysian Airliner?
What the Media Won't Tell You
Remember, I don't know who did it. I'm just saying that the US is jumping the gun by point blame, and they are far too involved in this incident to unbiased or maybe even honest. Don't trust what the mainstream media trumpets as fact; they're in the government's pocket.
Also consider: The missile was made in Russia, but Ukraine using a lot of weapons made in Russia. The US has a satellite over Ukraine, but haven't released any of the images (why?). The YouTube video purporting a discussion between Russian military and the separatists talking about accidentally shooting down a plane is claimed to have the data marks of being made before the event. Just because someone says something is a fact, a damning piece of evidence on the news, doesn't mean it is, doesn't mean that's the only way to look at it.
I think we should wait to hear what an independent committee finds in their investigations.
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