Sunday, February 24, 2013

Super Powers

It's always a good idea to know what super power you'd pick if you could pick one. In case God comes around handing out super powers. Or we mutate/evolve like in X-Men. Or someone makes you answer a bunch of silly questions as an icebreaker at a social event.

Don't get me wrong, I love answering personality questions. One of the best ones I heard was where you say what your favorite thing in nature is and why, what your favorite color is and why, and what your favorite animal is and why. So, my favorite thing in nature would be mountains because they are beautiful and powerful and solid. My favorite color is purple because it's soft and cool and deep and pretty. My favorite animal is (currently) a tiger because it is powerful and independent and fierce and dangerous. Now... your favorite thing in nature answer is how you view God. Your favorite color answer is how you view yourself (or want to). And your favorite animal is what you want in a significant other. Amusing, if not always accurate. I believe it's a variation on another less Youth Group version. But I didn't play that version, I played this one.

You're reading my blog, you are subject to my experiences. So there.

Anyway, as a child, I dreamed of flying. Literally. I still do, occasionally. As an adult, I dream of flying, though more figuratively. Anything from planning on going up in an airplane to day dreaming about what it would be like to soar through those cloud formations I see in the summer. So, if you want my accurate answer, I would like the power to fly. Preferably more the Rogue from X-Men type where she just soars through the air and floats over the Archangel from X-Men type with large wings. But really, I'd take either.

However, I have a second, and potentially more useful choice. Also more plausible, although the reason I'm categorizing it as a super power is because I'd want the normal superhero "above the law" protection.

I want to ability to smack people who deserve it.

No, really! I even have a list!

It needs to be a super power because I want to be able to do it without getting arrested, sued, or overall just hated.

And some people really deserve it. I'm not going to go into more personal details, but I can give you a more public example. Casey Anthony needs to be smacked. At best, a horrible mother. At worst... well, pretty awful. People that deserve something, but because of whatever law or lack of evidence or loophole or that being a complete jerk isn't illegal, they didn't get it. There I would be, administering justice with a well placed smack.

I imparted my smacking goals to my in-laws today and my mother-in-law said that even more super would be the power to smack people... and then they get it. As in, you smack them and all of a sudden they understand why they deserved to be smacked. Like a wake-up call.

My list gets exceptionally longer, as there are lots of people who need wake-up calls that I hadn't pegged for a good smackage.

But, again, this would have to be a super power, or I really wouldn't have many friends left. Oh well. With great smacks comes great responsibility. But it's a noble calling.

Monday, February 18, 2013

The Job Nemesis

I have a job interview tomorrow. Now the best part about them saying, "can you come in tomorrow?" is that I only have one day to freak out about it. Granted, if it was a week, I'd probably try not to think about it until like a day or two before. Procrastination isn't just a habit, it's a way of life!

Now, the nice thing about this is I already met the guy, so he already knows I have dreadlocks. I'm not really sure I've ever been discriminated against because of my dreads, because a lot of applications never get farther than the "assessment" stage. I have been offered jobs at least three times after interviews where my dreads were present, and rejected once... but my hair might not have been the contributing factor.

I hate assessments. It's trying to be a pre-interview to weed out the trash, but if anyone admits to actually stealing office supplies on those, I'm sure there would be blatant red flags elsewhere. Now, there are like three types of assessments and I think they're all tricky.

One, the one I've seen the most often, asks you things like if you think employees should be on time or steal office supplies and has you agree, disagree, or strongly do those things. The tricky part is that sometimes they ask you really similar versions of the same question and are probably checking to see if you are consistent.

Second kind I've encountered maybe twice. It is like math problems. They give you a set of rules, like accounts with under 1000 in them are filed in the A drawer, over 1000 in the B, etc. Then they ask you a bunch of questions about specific examples and where you'd file them based on the rules. Those are fairly easy as it pretty much gives you the answer. However, the trick is that they are timed and you want to be able to take your time because sometimes the rules get a little complex. Probably a comprehension examination of sorts.

And last and most annoying is the third type I've encountered. Probably the reason I'm not working at BAM! right now. This type gives you scenarios in the work situation and asks you how you'd respond, giving you several not necessarily wrong answers. If a customer came up to you and complained about their service, would you apologize or give them a discount or tell them to go back to the person they recieced the service from or get a manager or try to fix their problem for them? Well, I'd do whatever store policy is, that's what. But that isn't an option. At Panera, if someone had a complaint, you get a manager. We weren't supposed to give discounts on our own. And then the manager could deal with it as they see fit, which, depending on the severity of the problem might range from apologies to giving bagles to them until they go away. But what would BAM! want me to do? Would they rather I be a problem solver instead of get a manager? Am I allowed to offer discounts, or is that a no-no? Who knows? Apparently not me.

Jared Van Cleave is our real estate agent, and the job is basically a social-media coordinator and designer to some extent. He's also my dad's real estate agent (and my dad is in to owning real estate) and goes to my church. So I've met him and interacted with him and he saw me cry on the table at the lawyer's office when the house deal didn't go through the first time and he's still giving me an interview. Does that make him part of the extended family? Mom says to tell him I have a brain like my father. I'm not really sure how I'd work that one in. Oh, by the way, I tend to be like my dad in thought patterns and priorities? I feel the necessity to catagorize things according to said priorities and then potentially make fun of them with a dry sense of humor? I have the genetic potential to become a world renown smart person?

Well, I just spent the last half hour stalking my potential employer. Hey, they recommend trying to get information on them before the interview... really... stop looking at me like that.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Envelopes and other antiques

I like to meditate on things that make other people feel old, resulting in a reverse effect for me and somewhat vindictive amusement to boot.

I had such an experience today. As far as I am concerned, the postal service is for packages and junk mail, and I'm only interested in the first one. After all, how can one get their Amazon package without someone delivering it? I suppose if the US Postal Service disappeared, we'd still have FedEx and UPS and so on. All bills would have to be online, all letters would be email, and you could use e-cards and some form of digital checks for birthdays. Would that really be such a loss?

But, as a child if this sort of thinking (and having lived without the USPS for my formative years), I was completely at a loss when it came to mailing something. I am applying for a volunteer position, and oddly enough, even though their application is online in pdf form, I had to print it off. I could have scanned it, but instead of an email address, they gave a PO Box address. I actually had to mail the seven pages of application, two pages of resume, and a background check authorization. Worse, I have to get two references to also mail theirs.

Now, I had my doubts about the ten pages fitting into a flimsy paper envelope, so David gave me one of those large orangeish envelopes that I generally see as holding your packet at some convention. What do I do with this envelope? I was one step ahead of David in that I figured it had to be angled horizontally to address, and he wasn't sure on that point. The internet told me that the flap should be on the right hand side. And I vaguely remember the tradition of putting the addresses in the right spots.

So now I have an overly large envelope. What to do with it? Stamps are mostly a mystery to me. I get that it is a form of you prepaying for your mail and then showing proof you already paid for it by putting the little receipts on your envelope, which seems convoluted, but it works. But the thing that always gets me is how many stamps? So the price has gone up since... well, at some point when I last heard about it. I assume as much because the price always goes up. But I have no concept of what it was then or now. And how does that relate to those Forever stamps? How many of those does it take to mail a large orangish envelope?

At this point, it's too much to think about. So I go to the Post Office. Which apparently is busy, but most people there have packages, so they are permitted.

Actually, now that I think about it, I don't have a mailbox. Just a slot in the door next to the garage. I have no idea how you send outgoing mail from that. Probably go to the Post Office. Or one of those dropbox things.

I have no idea what to do in a Post Office. There are signs over the windows, but I'm not sure if those are general information or indicative of that window's business. I didn't see one that said, "clueless people," so I just stood in the normal line, hoping that whatever employee I got wasn't one of those government robots that you see at some government institutions that no longer behave like normal people. Because if I was in the wrong line or something, I didn't want to get my head bitten off.

Thankfully, the employee I got wasn't a robot and when I walked up and said, "I have no idea what I'm doing," she complimented me on having the address on the envelope in the proper places. So I'm probably not the worst case she's seen. Anyway, she weighed it and I paid for it and felt slightly better, even though I had to ask if the envelope needed to be licked shut or I could just use that little bracket thing. She was probably scared of the flu or something cause she just taped it shut.

Come to think of it, envelope licking can probably lead to AIDS among other people. What an unsanitary practice.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

By thy spelling I judge thee.

If you don't know, I am attempting to rehome the dog. Oh, she's fine for a puppy, but I think I have established that I am not a dog person... and do like the ability to leave for more than four hours at a time. I guess if I was ready to settle down and chain myself to the house, I'd have kids or something. And you can at least take them to restaurants and relatives. And I think they bite less.

No, Luna is a good puppy, or so I'm told. All puppies nibble and nip and chew on things. I don't own a whole lot, and most of the stuff I like can be placed in a chest or on a shelf or generally not accessible, with the exception of my Turkish rug. It's in hiding.

But yes, Luna is a good puppy and in a weird sort of way, I'm somewhat fond of her.

Regardless, we've made our choice. Which then leads us to wonder, how does one rehome a dog? Obviously there is word of mouth, although my mother tried giving my dog away to someone else who had owned a husky... and apparently that scarred them for life. I tried giving her to the relatives, as they are "dog people." Through a long and drama-filled process, I believe they would only take her if Sally, their ancient English Mastiff finally kicks the bucket that she's been hobbling around for four years or so, and then they aren't sure how that would relate to their other English Mastiff named Daisy, who seems to not like other females.

As I don't really feel like keeping a dog I don't plan on keeping for the next six months to two years, depending on Sally's life span, I am looking for other ways.

I know there are shelters. I care enough about this dog to not want to do that. And they cost money to use to boot. No, I'd rather Luna live happily here until we move her happily elsewhere. I may not want to keep this dog, but I do care. I feel bad boarding her for a few nights at the pet hospital because she always comes out of those with her ears back, whimpering.

So, you're thinking Craig's List? Oddly enough, for some reason, probably legal, they do not permit selling pets. You can have a "small" adoption fee, though, with small being undefined.

My ad was up for one day before it got removed. Of course they never actually tell you the reason they are removing them and I am rather miffed. You know what? I'm going to put it back up. I don't know what I'm doing wrong until they respond to my request for help anyway.

But in the space of that one day, I got nine responses, all asking about the price. Now, I care slightly more about finding her a good home (David is the one who wants the price), but in a similar way for adoption, it shows that whoever wants the dog is serious about wanting the dog. And we did pay $380 or so for her. And have spent much more than I am asking on her, even before all the shots and vet stuff.

But, saying I did find one or several people willing to pay the price. How will I choose? The emails I get I am automatically ranking in my head. One person said they were "asking about the husky" and I merely had to assume what exactly they were asking about, that being price. I put all sorts of information on her character and the like on the ad. A surprising amount of people cannot grasp the basics of using spelling, capitalization, and punctuation in emails. I can somewhat understand it in chat, as you are trying to be quick, but emails? I'm not handing the dog out the window to the first person who emails me, so you can take a few extra minutes to punctuate.

I don't know if it's proper to rank a dog's future family based on their capitalization, but I judge people for things like that. You seem far more respectable to me if you bother to pretty up your sentences.

Other than that, a few people actually added some more personal things, like "We are interested in adopting Luna" or "Your dog is beautiful" or "We have a fenced in back yard that would be perfect for her." I am also more inclined to listen to those people.

However, I have had very few responses to my responses... so we'll see. They might have all been scared away by David's price, even though I said it was negotiable. To be honest, we'll spend more money keeping her here for a long period of time than selling her for $200 soon to someone who wants her. I hope everyone emails me back, at least helping me understand what the heck a "small" adoption fee is.