Reality hits like a bucket of cold water

So for the entire day, I really have only been able to think about one thing: Star Wars: The Old Republic, an online massive multiplayer role playing game (MMORPG). I wasn't sure that I would even be interested originally, as I play WoW, it would be another monthly subscription game, and many MMORPGs have been made only to fall again. But after my two weekend stress test beta invites, I was hooked. I wanted back on. It combined some of the things I found addictive about Dragon Age with MMORPG gameplay and the epic Star Wars universe. I preordered and am now waiting for my early access to kick in. I'm not real sure when I am going to get it at all, and so have been agonizing about it. And since I had today off and it was raining and I already finished my library books... I really wanted to play.

Now, I had just finished taking a shower and was trying to figure out what to do for the rest of the day and attempting to figure out if I could do any of my chores for the next two days early, to save time. I was letting my thoughts drift and lay down on the bed before I got dressed and somehow discovered a bump I have never noticed before in the lower section of one of my breasts.

It is difficult to describe the reaction to something like that. It's like all of my thoughts of Star Wars, my own fantasy world, what to make for supper, work the next day and so on... all those drained out of my head just as my heart tried to hold its breath. I didn't believe something like this would ever happen to me. It is something you hear about happening to other people. It doesn't enter my little quiet monotonous world. I had to verify. I started to write a text to David and had to verify again. It felt more like a dream than reality, one of those things I encounter when my brain is half asleep and marinating in whatever random thoughts.

It still feels like a dream. David hasn't texted back. My mom hasn't texted back. I seem unnaturally alone. I don't know if the next step is a doctor's appointment or the ER. I don't know if it is benign or malicious. I am floating somewhere between fear and disbelief. I am scared.