Vampire Empire: The Greyfriar

First off, I must warn you, I am going to talk about the plot and might reveal spoilers. So, officially, spoiler alert.

Alright, in my quest for Steampunk books, I came across an article on a blog called STEAMED! I'm not actually that excited, the exclamation mark is part of the title. This blog is about writing steampunk fiction. So anyway, I read this article where Clay and Susan Griffith are interviewed on their recent book, Vampire Empire, Book One: The Greyfriar. I think all of that is somewhere in the title. I'm like, hey, I'm looking for steampunk books and this one has a fun cover. So I went and checked it out from the library yesterday and finished it this morning.

The starting plot is that vampires rose up and destroyed and killed thousands of humans and effectively took over the northern hemisphere. Surviving humans took to the tropics because vampires don't like heat and now the humans, over a century later, are mustering their steam and iron and are getting ready to fight back.

First, the vampires. As one who has read many many vampire books, I like seeing what exactly defines the vampires in each particular story. In this book, the vampires are their own species with blue eyes and pale skin. The humans are not converted to vampires. They still drink human blood. The vampires live a very long time, around 800 years, but are not immortal. They breed as humans do, but feed their young with blood. They have fangs, extendable fingernail claws, super senses (with the exception of touch, which they are almost entirely lacking in), are not affected by the sun (but still don't like heat), can fly by controlling their density, and recover from many wounds without issue. The humans see the vampires as little better than animals with no real emotions.

Vampires see human as cattle, if occasionally dangerous cattle.

In the beginning, the heiress to Empire Equatoria, Princess Adele (who's rolling in the deeeeeep... ignore me) is touring the occupied north when her airship is brought down by a coordinated vampire attack. She is saved temporarily by a mysterious figure out of legend called the Greyfriar, supposedly a human who lived in occupied north fighting vampires from the inside. In their brief time together, Adele becomes attached to Greyfriar. She is then recaptured by vampires and spends weeks in captivity. I'm not entirely sure of the motivation behind the capture. The man who ordered it seems only interested in learning of human spies and human war plans, though officers on her ship would have probably been able to answer as much or more. The vampire, Prince Cesare, later says it was to disrupt her political marriage to the Republic of America Senator Clark, which would have more humans united against them. The Greyfriar arrives back at his castle where it is revealed unceremoniously that he is Prince Gareth, the vampire heir.

Prince Gareth goes and claims Princess Adele as his prisoner and through long care makes her... well, not always mad at him. Later, Greyfriar shows up and rescues her during a chaotic incident in London (vampire central). Greyfriar takes her to Scotland, which is Prince Gareth's territory and then reveals himself to her, earning her hate and mistrust.

Next is a scene out of Beauty and the Beast where she is held against her will, but learns through the people in the town (his willing flock, as he does not kill them to feed) and his own kind actions toward her that he is not a monster and can feel emotion. She hates him and mistrusts him right up until he sends her a note that says "I am sorry." Then she somehow believes that emotion there is true when she had been assuming all others were some kind of lying front and she comes to love him.

Prince Cesare has been trying to get her back, and finally finds her right as Senator Clark blusters in to be a hero and save his bride-to-be. Greyfriar makes a reappearance in time to save Adele and hand her back to the Americans before leaving once again to "fight the good fight." Before they leave, she professes her love for him. He knows that she will want to destroy all vampires, but cannot help himself and saves her anyway.

Through all this, there is a thread of magic, woven by a strange affinity she has to religious artifacts and her tutor, revealed secretly to be a practitioner of the forbidden religious and magical arts.

So, while it was entertaining, this book somewhat bothers me. I found myself in the viewpoint and position of humans in the beginning, with the vampires being animalistic monsters barely capable of speech (and those only capable of stilted-sounding phrases like "you will die"). So when Greyfriar appeared in all his mysterious costuming and heroic strength, I rallied with him. The legendary figure fighting secretly in the north against vampires and for human freedom. My theory was that he was somehow a human turned vampire (before I knew more) and still in it for the humans. I hoped he was just a human, strong and inspirational. I figured at the very least, his unveiling would be dramatic. But it wasn't really and I was actually disappointed to find out he was a vampire prince. So the heroic legend of the humans was actually just another vampire.

I understand the need for the long process of Adele becoming acquainted with him and used to him and then loving him, but it seriously felt like I was living in a Beauty and the Beast remix, what with her hating him, and then joining him for dinner, and him showing her his library, etc. And her following the routine "I hate him, I'm never going to like him, I just want to leave" against everyone, including the other humans', protests and evidence to the point of annoying.

Oddly enough, I don't like the vampires being another species. They lose some of their fun when they aren't made from humans and they don't dress better than the humans. But that is a creative difference.

Adele can be particularly thick-headed sometimes, while the book seems to hail her as being smart, quick-thinking, and powerful. For example, even the humans didn't know how the vampires reproduced, but Greyfriar mentions once that the king had "sons." Myself being curious, I wanted to ask "oh yeah, how do they reproduce?" because the humans theorized they just lived forever and every one cut down was one less vampire, forever. But Adele doesn't seem to notice. Another time, a spy sneaked in to figure out her location and spoke with her. Adele doesn't know what happened to her brother, but she is guessing he is dead. A spy from the outside? I would have asked "Did my brother make it?" right after "Are you going to rescue me?" Never pops into Adele's head. I feel like if she is that quick on her feet, she'd think of some of these things. It seems almost uncharacteristic to write her this way. Maybe they didn't think of these things.

And probably the most annoying thing to me in the entire book is the switching of voice. Third person is allowed to switch from person to person as far as voice, but it tends to follow only one person at a time. You will get their emotions, reactions, fears, things they notice, and occasionally things they don't, but it largely just follows their perspective. If they don't notice something, the narrator can go over their head, saying something like, "She dropped her eyes quickly, and did not see the corner of his mouth curve in a grin." It is still the same person, but in the vein of Third person view (she said, she did), it can give you information that a first person (I said, I did) would have missed. But, it still only follows one person at a time. The view can be switched. I tend to only go with one or two characters myself and not confuse readers in thinking that random other people might be important. If I switch views, a section divider or a chapter divider would probably be a good communication tool to indicate, oh, by the way, this is a different person.

This book doesn't have that. Oh, it does have sections and chapters and the views switch between those, but nothing prevents it from switching views between paragraphs of the same narrative. And it drives me nuts. First off, it is highly confusing if you think you are following one person's view and so are tracking with them, and then it shows what someone else is doing and you discover you lost your person. For example.

"Deciding that it was a sign, she (Adele) knelt in front of the altar, offering up a small prayer of thanks for the sanctuary afforded her throughout this trial, and a prayer of hope for the future, wherever it led her.
Outside, Gareth reared back. His flesh crawled. He couldn't remember feeling such power here before." - Page 247

So, I'm tracking, I'm tracking, I'm following Adele, as I have been since the start of the chapter, two pages ago. I assume once she is done with her prayer, she heads back outside, and that is where Gareth rears back. I assume I'm going to read something about her surprise at his reaction here in a sec. But then it says his flesh crawls. Ok... that sounds like his feeling. Something she saw, maybe? Then it goes to his not remembering feeling such power there. Oh. I'm seeing through Gareth's eyes. I keep reading and realize that Adele is actually still in the church and I left her there. It is a bit more before she comes outside, then it switches back to her voice.

And it does that sort of thing throughout the entire book, throwing me for a loop every time. Cesare offers his war chief, Flay, some of his human and Flay scowls at him when his back is turned. Since I was following Cesare's voice, I thought he must have seen her scowl out of the corner of his eye. I have to reread that passage to realize, oh, it switched to Flay. He didn't actually see her.

Another time, I counted that it switched voice from Gareth to Flay to Cesare to Flay in about six paragraphs. At first I thought Gareth was just observing something Flay was doing before I realized it wasn't even talking about Gareth anymore. Then randomly, one paragraph has Cesare's feelings. Flay's next opinion pops up in italics, but I still think that she must have said it out loud because Cesare was aware of it... then realize, no, it was just a thought, and I'm back with Flay again.

This type of behavior is confusing and seems somewhat immature. It can totally be avoided. For one, you might have to choose to stick with one voice at the expense of telling all the feelings of everyone in the situation. One person might have to notice and interpret other people's reactions instead of switching to the other person. Another way is to switch in a noticeable and rational way. Between breaks or chapters. Another way, if you really really want to tell it in multiple voices, recap.

"She was surprised when he dropped to one knee before her. The sound of his sword sliding clear of his scabbard seemed amplified in her ears. 'My lady,' he said. 'I pledge my blade to you.' Something surged through her then and her mouth curved in a smile. 'I accept!' she declared, her voice strong."

--- (Break, /end, next chapter, whatever.)

"He had no idea what would happen when he knelt and spoke those words. His sword seemed heavy in his hands, the moment of silence stretching to eternity as her startled eyes weighed him. Then something came over her and her eyes sparkled, a dangerous smile flickering over her face. His heart pounded. 'I accept!' her voice was steel. The weight of his sword seemed to float up from his hands."

Recapping. Retelling the important bits of the story from a different perspective. It can be even more abstract in that you find them giddy from the action, and then they think back to what happened. "He walked the hallway now, his body seeming so light that his feet barely touched the floor. He had no idea what would happen when he knelt, or what the dangerous look was in her eyes, but she had accepted him!"

So obviously I have complaints. I think part of it is that I just felt the book had so much potential. The cover design was great, showing Greyfriar staring forward, his goggles perched on his head, Adele looking off to the side, yet staying close behind him. This speaks of adventure, of trial, of conquest. But all the parts of the book that she was running with Greyfriar blur into their fatigue, the land sliding past as they run, snatches of conversation. I wanted the Greyfriar to be something more. I just thought it would be more than "Princess spends several months in captivity." I guess it is book one and could get better next time.

Was there anything I liked? I liked the original idea of the Greyfriar, the heroic human. Umm... it was entertaining. I like the hints of magic and the story to come. And I liked that while it was steampunk in a sense and in the typical steampunk world, science is reigning over religion, they give it an added twist where religion and magic are actually still alive and more powerful than anyone believed. It is a different take than the normal "Darwin has freed us from the bonds of religion" bit.

And that is my take. Maybe worth reading. Not the best I've come across.

Actually, out of all the "steampunk" novels I've read (and for some reason, most are young adult, which I also have issues with occasionally), the Leviathan trilogy by Scott Westerfeld is the best so far. I'll post about that when I get the last book read. I am also trying to get a hold of Boneshaker, by Cherie Priest. She wants to write something that can sort of epitomize the steampunk movement, where people can point at it and say "See that? That's steampunk." So should be interesting.