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Today is rainy. I didn't sleep well last night and after I woke up, I sent an email to Mom entitled "complainy email" where I basically said everything that annoyed me at that moment from my persistent cough to political differences.

I was ok. Still waiting. It seems like I'm always just waiting for something. Waiting for David to get home, waiting for supper time, waiting for bed time, waiting for the weekend, waiting to see my parents, waiting for Dragon Age III to come out, whatever. So this morning I was waiting. Probably for Pizza Night, this weekend, and church on Sunday where I might be helping out with camera again.

Then my brother, Nathan, the marine, called me cause he hasn't talked to me for a while and wanted to know what's up. Well, nothing is up.

Nathan is one of the most real people you'll meet. Talking to him usually is equal parts conviction and inspiration. Conviction for not being as real, as motivated, as he is, inspired because that's what I want to do after I talk to him.

I was less ok after that.

He asked me if I was looking for another job and I said no. Why not? Well, I went and got a job and look what happened. He told me I couldn't just give up, but that's not really what I'm doing. I'm just not sure what I should be doing. I still have a few volunteer gigs, but nothing to really occupy me.

I have like no responsibilities and as a result, I feel like a leech.

What SHOULD I be doing? That's what I keep asking myself, asking God.

I wish I had a skill. Almost any marketable skill. There's a girl in my connection group who makes crafts that she labels "Nerdy Decor and Wearable Art" and has an Etsy store called Peels and Posies.

Not that I want to do exactly that, but failing at the piano and writing World of Warcraft fan fiction isn't going to get me anywhere. How do I start over and gain marketable skills? Say I wanted to work in a bike shop, or become a forester, or get involved in local government... where do I start? I'm turning old again this year, but have no direction, no real skills, and little experience. What do I do?

And do you capitalize marine (Marine)?