Sunday, March 25, 2012

Dreams of Diet

All I want to be healthy, but am plagued by weakness in fortitude. I will look at myself in the morning and be like, "I could almost resolve to give up Dr Pepper," but that night I will be thirsty and want one, or sometime during the day I will just be craving the cold bubbly 23 flavors, or I'll be flagging during a WoW raid and think, "Caffeine, I need caffeine." I've gotten so for the most part, I at least schedule my calorie intake from Dr Pepper. If I have one at lunch, I won't have one in the evening. If I have hard cider in the fridge, I'll often settle for that instead of a Dr Pepper. And hard cider tastes great, too, but I'm pretty sure it's hardly a healthy alternative. Ah, here we go. I just looked it up. Think about this: Dr Pepper is 150 calories for 12 oz, a bottle of Woodchuck's hard cider is 200 calories for 12 oz. So that's even worse.

Oh, just give it up, you say? Switch to diet, you say? Learn to like lite beers, you say? Well, nobody said that last one, I just assumed it be in the list. I can't switch to diet Dr Pepper (or 10. You can say it is for men and that's why I don't like it, and I'll say that's only if men like the taste of artificial sweetener and carbonation that goes flat too fast) because if I was able to switch to an inferior product, I'd be equally able to just give it up. It's just not worth spending money on Diet or 10 for me to not be happy with my drink, force myself to finish it, and then feel physically worse as a result. And lite beer... I drink cider for a reason, and that reason is, I don't like beer. So maybe if you found my some lite/light cider...

Give up drinks altogether? I'm not sure how having a drink (even the non-alcohol type) came to be so special to me, but for the most part, I'd rather have a drink in the evening than desert or candy or those other things I'm attracted to. A drink is my treat. I used to get through hard long days in school or on the internship by thinking about my Dr Pepper at lunch, or something akin to that. It was what made special, the redeeming factor of any day.

Then my other unhealthy problem is just the fast meal. That could be fast food or "I don't have any plans for lunch, but you are home so I feel obligated to make something, here's mac-and-cheese." I want to eat healthy, but when faced with a looming meal-time, sometimes I cop out. David and I also have a strong attraction to cream sauces on pasta and dishes with cheese. And while cheese is supposed to be healthy, nobody ever said it was low fat. Cheese actually is fat...

But whatever. The point is, I have aspirations of being healthy, and then I just don't. Also with exercise. I reached that point of "I can't see any benefit, so what's it going to hurt if I miss a few days?" Though I am trying to get my biking miles up. About 77 so far.

And then I keep thinking, "Well, what if-"... I have no idea what I was going to type there. I switched to my phone and can't remember a half hour back. Um... this is awkward. Basically, I want to change. I want to live a "Life is Good" style life, with all sorts of physical activity. If I was given a choice, I'd have a lot more kayacking, rock climbing, and snowboarding. I love biking and I'll throw in running and boxing for good measure. I want to be active, I want to have fun, and I want to be healthy. I lack the fortitude.

Edit: (since switching to my phone added in a bunch of random symbols I now have to take out) I want to eat healthy partially for the feel-good portion of it. I have more self-esteem when I eat healthy and feel light. If I could switch my drinks for like V8 (though that is expensive) and candy for fruit and actually eat breakfast... maybe I'll get somewhere.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

On the birth of fictional characters

I normally start my stories with a character who is a type of me, because that is usually how my stories start. I ask myself who I would be and what I would be doing if I were in such a situation.

And I normally appear something akin to myself. It isn't pride as much as a realistic grounding. I might have been fourteen when I started imagining myself, albeit with cool hair or a better figure, instead of some beautiful blond girl. That was one of the moments where I realized I couldn't change what I looked like, but I could control what happened to me. In the story, anyway. To this day, many of my characters will posses some of my physical flaws, like freckles. I might change my eyes to green, because if I can't have green eyes in my own story, then what is the point? And it's a much smaller change than being a blond.

So I have this little me-type. Another reason I start with myself is because I believe I understand myself, and when in doubt, my character can just do what I would do. Then, I put the little me-type in the story, where she must become acquainted with her new world. See? I'm already referring to her in the third person. This is where we tend to part ways. Because now that she is in the story, I am only experiencing it vicariously through her. She might have been me, but to give her a place in the world, I have to figure out what she is doing there, and how she got into such a mess. And in discovering these things about her, I discover that she has deviated from me. With a different past, she becomes a different person. And as is the case with some characters, I end up trying to understand them, like we only recently met and I hadn't created them in the first place.

When characters take on a life of their own, the author is no longer really in control. If you want a character to do a particular thing, you have to come up with a situation in which it would be natural to do such a thing. One story I wrote was based merely on the premise, "what would it take to make Jasper swear?" Jasper is a pacifist, kind, and very even tempered. So the answer to that question is, "really, quite a lot." And poor Jasper really had a bad time of it. He ends up becoming almost suicidal, and I wouldn't have expected that from him. And then, in reverse, you can simply put your character in a situation, and hope for the best. Your character should then respond with whatever is natural to them, even if it is inconvenient to you. I don't have such a specific example for this one, but I know I've encountered it. And something that can really make your book seem like it is trying too hard, or is more your dream romance than an actual story, is to force a character to behave in a way that is unnatural. I hate that.

So, in example of character creation, I recently created a character. A type of me, in a steampunk world. I think she will be Irish. So she can inherit my pale skin, freckles, and dark hair. She gets green eyes, CAUSE SHE CAN. She also gets dreadlocks, cause I think they are fun. Now, I like my steampunk character to have mechanical skills to get her foot in the door with gadgetry and still have the potential for full blown inventor status by book three or so. And for some reason, maybe to push her into the life of crime, I made her poor. So my poor Irish dreadlocked mechanic girl has wound up in the Americas and I am going to push her at a cowboy who is also acting as a thief. But something changes from me.

First, I am not Irish. Secondly, she had to have some sort of background to become a mechanic and end up in America. Now she has tragically been separated from or lost her parents. And she has to be really stubborn in the face of Victorian convention to continue plying her trade. I don't know if I am really the convention-breaking sort of stubborn. Obviously, I'd like to think I am, but I rather doubt it. Then, when she meets my cowboy thief, she has to be just enough seperated from my legalism which cannot really fathom why someone might go about breaking the law.

And in the end, Brianna is an entirely different person than I am. She somehow became slightly eccentric, very focused while working, excitable, unable to really fathom her own danger, and somewhat absent-minded. And now that she is no longer me, I have to begin again attempting to understand her and what drives her and what she might do in any given situation.

Then, creating characters for a role-playing steampunk game, I think, oh, I'll just make a mechanic named Brianna Lynch and play as my character. And then suddenly I am on an airship, and then we've decided I am actually crew, maybe even head mechanic. My story has changed again.

I love writing.

March heat brings...

I'm sorry I have not posted recently. Maybe just nothing interesting has happened to me. Nothing at all. Completely boring.

It's about that time I move to a fantasy land. And get back on Star Wars The Old Republic to see if I can hit fifty before my subscription expires. Oddly enough, I'm having fun again.

But anyway, the thing that I keep thinking about these days is a topic oft-discussed and somewhat taboo... it is... the weather.

I am going to claim exception here. Sometimes we can talk about the weather and it actually makes sense to talk about the weather, like in the movie Day After Tomorrow where weather practically wipes out anything about America's latitude and north. I am not talking about the weather because I have nothing else to talk about (well, maybe that too), but because the weather is really really weird.

It is March here in Iowa, (and I would assume the rest of the world), and it's been around 80 degrees during the day, or warmer, for a half a week now, fluctuating before that.

I am sitting in my living room, or computer room with a nap couch, whatever you want to call it, with all the windows open to get the breeze. At eight a.m., it's about 70 degrees. Why does this matter?

Because that's really really weird! This is Iowa! Spring isn't supposed to start until the end of April and then it is supposed to freeze at least twice afterward! The groundhog saw his shadow! I would judge the harshness of winters based on how many times I thought my eyeballs would freeze just by walking to class in the morning! This winter seemed more mild than the ones in Turkey! Some people here already have their ACs running!

Climate change or global warming or regular fluctuation? I dunno, I'm not a scientist. I'm not really sure why it is the Christian position to not believe in global warming, but coming from a very polluted city, less pollution sounds kinda cool. I'm not going to freak out about it yet.

The only thing I'm really worried about right now is that the muggy warm air outside is going to stick around and intensify and summer will be just horrid. Or maybe it will balance itself out and summer will be about 70s whole way through. I could deal.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Cheese for Thought

Yesterday, my mother-in-law and two of my sisters-in-law were in town, so David and I went shopping with them, went out to supper, and visited their psychologist. I guess Michelle and Melissa had some joint session going on. I sat out in the waiting room and read Psychology Today, which was actually quite interesting. Did you know cheese is healthy? I mean, MORE healthy than you thought? I resolve to eat more cheese.

But I would like to say that I approve of psychology and visits to psychologists. I think it can be quite healthy (although I'd probably go for a Christian one. Not sure if theirs was or not). I know people who have had issues, problems with their parents, things that scarred them, and I think these people could benefit from a psychologist. Someone who can see the problem, identify the problem, and give them steps to take to get out of the problem. Someone who will speak straight with you. So bravo on everyone going to psychologists for taking the first step to reorienting your thinking.

That all said, I have no intention of going to a psychologist. I generally like to say, "I'm not quite that messed up." As in, I don't think I'm crazy enough for a shrink, but it isn't quite that. Because I know you'd be like, "Denial! People don't always know when they need a shrink!" For me, it is a balancing of my perception of how messed up I may be compared to the time and money involved with visiting a psychologist just because it may be healthy. For example, I haven't been to the dentist in years. I really want to go to the dentist because I like my teeth. But as I have no detectable cavities or tooth pain and I brush twice a day, I assume that I might be doing ok and think, maybe I don't need to go to the dentist just yet. I can put it off until we have a steady income again. Hmm... I should floss, too, if I'm going to have that attitude.

So basically, I don't think I need a psychologist quite yet. If I had something traumatic happen to me (and I don't even want to say the thing I just thought of), I might maybe think about going. And if I had a good friend or family member say, "Linsey, we know this even really hurt you, and I just don't think you're getting over it. It will help if you go to a psychologist and talk about it..." then I'd be even more inclined. I don't get go to the doctor unless I'm scared I might die of cancer either. Just too expensive.

All that said, I think you can find healing in the Bible and with God. Not that I'm doing that "shame on you for going to a psychologist or taking anti-depressant because God fixes everything." Sometimes those are the things you need to do. Just saying, short of paid therapy, I think that God can often help on things you are struggling with. It may be a bit more of an indirect route, as you need His help to figure out your problem and He isn't always as forward as a psychologist, but you can find healing there.

And that is my... let me check for inflation... 50 cents worth. Well, let's round up to $1.25 and I can get a Dr Pepper.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Killing Me Softly

It is now day... two and a half?...of David being home. And let me say, he'd better find a job soon because I will go crazy.

I had previously quit to work at home, and recently I've been doing a decent job of writing every day. When I'm alone, I can hit that state of mind, the state of focus, that allows me to enter my alternate worlds. Sure, I'll play a computer game for half an hour, or check my social media mix, or spend a while on Wikipedia.org and other sites trying to puzzle out telegrams or some other turn of the 19th century technology. But because it is all quiet and I am alone, I can hit that sweet spot of focus, more often. And if I remain in that spot, I can keep going a bit even after he comes home.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know he is well-meaning, and he wants to work to get a new job. But it is almost impossible for me to focus when he is calling relatives, working on something related to his old job, asking my opinion, asking if I want to play a League of Legends game, outlining his plans (for he thinks out loud), asking if I want to go on a walk, go pick up something, go to HyVee, watch an episode of whatever show, read over my shoulder (nothing is more irritating than that, even if I don't mind they read it later)... All well-meaning... all making it so I have absolutely no way to focus.

Well, I've been planning escapes recently. I still have a laptop (because even though I can type five paragraph essays on my blog on my phone, it doesn't work as well for writing, with formatting and dialogue and all that. I have the app for it, but that will be a "I'm on vacation and randomly inspired" situation.

Let's hope he gets a job soon.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Welfare Nation

I normally only blog from my phone when I am not at home, as I like full-sized keyboards and monitors. Currently, Mediacom is having some issues with Des Moines and I cannot use the Internet on my computer. Thankfully, I have 4G. Someday they are going to have to start addressing problems with addiction to the Internet. I'm sure Google will be blamed because they are working hard to put our entire life on the Internet.

You know, it's funny, cause when I was younger, they used to talk about backing up your stuff on the Internet on your harddrive and now they talk about backing up the stuff on your hard drive on the Internet. Google has a good portion of my music, my documents, my Google+, my email, my reader or list of things updated such a blogs... I predict someday that we will be able to go to any computer with an Internet connection and sign into our Google account and have our entire computer information right there. I can't wait! Go Google!

But anyway, based on my title, that is not what I planned on talking about. Unless I'd like to apply welfare abuse to Google. In which case, they are making us feel entitled to easy Internet searches, nice web browsing, and 7G+ of email storage...

No, that's not what I intended to talk about. Last night at small group we talked about welfare. I am sorry to say that we no more solved that than the guys who drink coffee at 8am every day at Panera solved the education system and whatever else they talk about. We all know better than the people actually making the decisions, right?

There are a few different takes on welfare. The first is from the government. The general Democratic viewpoint is that we are all humans and society and we owe it to one another to take care of each other, especially those with means helping those who don't. I mean, they have the money, they can afford it. How can you let your fellow man suffer? Obama said in one of his campaign speeches for his last election that after a man goes and works for his country all his life, his country will not abandon him when he gets old. This premise includes the idea that people go through hard times, and America should be there to help them.

The opponants of this idea, often Republicans, say that, one, the Democrats don't actually care, they are just buying votes. Get enough people hooked on welfare and they will keep voting for whoever keeps the money flowing. Republicans tend to side with rich people as the ones abused in this case, as their greater wealth gets taxed at greater rates. Republicans see the wealthy as job creators and successful businessmen who have contributed to the economy and think increased taxes would dampen their economic influences. They accuse the Democrats as being socialist in that they want to redistribute the money rightfully earned to those who have not. They see many of the welfare recipients as freeloaders who have no intention of changing their situation and intend to continue to live off of government funds.

Politically, I don't want to judge welfare recipients. I don't know them, maybe some of them are freeloaders, maybe some have horrible luck. However, I don't like the idea that the government should take care of them. I grew up learning that it was the government's job to protect its people from outside threats and inside abuse. It is there to catch criminals and protect your rights as outlined in the Constitution. I think it is very much overstepping its bounds to think that it should go and babysit the American people. Not to say that they don't need help, but that it is not the government's job to be the one to help them. They are so large and bloated that I think they are also incapable of discerning between actually needy people and freeloaders and make up for that by just giving taxpayer money to most people who ask. There are churches and charities who have much more discerning programs that can work with welfare recipients on the micro level to get them back on their feet or determine who is freeloading and deny service. They have to be more discerning because they have less rescources to work with and are trying to do the most good for their buck. I think people with means would give more to charities if they didn't feel they were already paying for a lot of welfare.

And that's where my thought process usually ended. Not the government's job. I didn't put a whole lot of thought into what it actually looked like from the church level. I know my dad is involved in some programs, such as temporary housing for people evicted and things like that and they have guidelines people have to meet to use the program. But my smallgroup leader, Greg, brought up the church food pantry. Long and short of that place is that it gives out food. And often the same people come every week, often an hour and a half early just so they can secure their spot in line. There seems to be no attempt at betterment, getting back on their feet, or even a humble gratitude for the constant aid (more, that person cut, what are you going to do about it?). Some of these people might be freeloaders, simply taking advantage of the church's good will. Is the church in this case actually helping them or making them dependant on another form of welfare? Where do you draw the line?

As far as the church goes, it is hard to say for sure. Should we change to service to be more discerning? Should we attempt to build multiple personal relationships to try and touch the problem at its root? Should we turn down the known freeloaders in hopes that they for the first time have had someone say no to them and will think about what they are doing? Or should we keep serving them in hopes that God will do what we cannot in touching their heart?

I find it frustrating that we have created a nation of entitlement. We seem to think we deserve things people used to have to work for. The Occupy Wall Street movement, while being hailed as an example of people willing to be active for what they believe and the rightful protesting of the bailouts, was at one level a huge entitlement movement. Wall Street has money and while we didn't work for it, we deserve it. Higher education should be a right. American Dream, which was called a dream because people aspired to it, but didn't always get it, is now supposed to be a right. We lost much of the idea of working for and earning the money we spend. We think we all need Internet, free health care, free education, as long as someone else pays for it. What gives us this idea, to think that we have a right to all these things that used to be privilages? Something needs to remind us that we can in fact do without some things. When I was younger, we didn't have a dishwasher. We put a microwave in that spot and thought the microwave was cool and washed our own dishes. We didn't have a dryer and hung our own laundry. Do I remember thinking, oh, we're so poor, so abused by these chores? No. I'm sure I had it a lot easier than a farm kid. We can live without some things. I find it sad we've gotten so uses to handouts that we don't remember that.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Leviathan Trilogy

I was finally able to obtain the last book of the Leviathan series by Scott Westerfeld! And really, it is partially this series that got me in to steampunk. I knew what it was vaguely as a visual style from webcomic Girl Genius and when my friend Thad said he was "addicted" to young adult steampunk books, I asked him what he was reading. It was this series. I was curious as to how what I thought was a visual style would be represented in literature.

The floodgates opened. With the help of Google, Wikipedia.org, and my local library, I am now decently obsessed.

The series is Leviathan, Behemoth, and Goliath. It follows an alternate history timeline around 1914 following the assassination of the Archduke of Austria. The nations are grouped by their preference in war machines. Britain and Russia and their allies are "Darwinists" that use "fabricated creatures," live animals made of blended DNA. The airships are made from the DNA of whales with a host of other creatures, like hydrogen-sniffing spider-dogs, bats that excrete metal darts, talking "messenger lizards" and so on. Even their technology that isn't alive is usually fabricated, like wood made to be stronger and lighter. The other countries, like Germany, Austria, and the Ottoman Empire, are "clankers" and use mechanical walkers, tanks, submarines, and the like.

Now for the spoilers.

The book follows the son of the Archduke, Alek, while on the run from Germans who were secretly trying to force a war by murdering his parents and blaming it on the Serbs. It also follows Deryn, a Scottish girl posing as a boy to join the British Air Force. While Alek, with the help of a few retainers, guides his walker to escape to the Swiss mountains, Deryn ends up a midshipman aboard the Leviathan, a massive whale-like airship. They get attacked above the alps and crash land within sight of Alek's hidden retreat. Unable to stay put, he rushes to help them, offering some of their stockpile of food and the engines from his walker to get them going again. When the ship leaves, so does his group on board, fleeing from Germans in clanker airships. While on board, he befriends Deryn, thinking she is a boy, and discovers the ship was on a mission to deliver something to the Ottoman Empire, who is currently mad at Britain for "borrowing" a warship they were supposed to give to the Ottoman Empire.

In Behemoth, Alek escapes from the airship as the captain is increasingly planning on hauling him back to Britain as a prisoner of war. He ends up stranded in Istanbul. Meanwhile, diplomacy between the Ottomans and Leviathan sour, thanks to German influence, and Deryn is selected for a mission to undermine the warchains in the Bosporus Straight so they can attack the German ships that took refuge there. She is unable to make it back to the Leviathan, so goes in search of her friend Alek. Alek has made allies and is helping fund a relatively peaceful revolution against the Sultan. Deryn joins him and coordinates it for the night that the Leviathan is returning with the Behemoth, an underwater kraken fabrication to destroy the German warships. They discover a large Tesla cannon, an electricity device, has been constructed and the Leviathan is in danger, and so split forces to save the Leviathan. The Leviathan dips to pick up Deryn and Alek realizes that he wants to follow his friend back on board, and so joins him. He becomes an ally and is no longer in danger of being thrown in the brig and hauled back to England.

In Goliath, the Leviathan is instructed to pick up a crazy inventor named Tesla, responsible for the lightning cannons. He claims he has built a huge cannon called the Goliath, capable of raining destruction down anywhere in the world. He is currently in a remote blasted portion of Russia, where the devastation goes on for miles, and he says that is the work of his machine. But he doesn't want war, he just wants peace, and Alek is willing to help him achieve his goals. The Leviathan starts heading toward New York. Meanwhile Alek finds out that Deryn is actually a girl and feels angry and betrayed until he realizes that the reason she couldn't tell him her secret was because she had feelings for him... and he was a prince and she a commoner. He still avoids her for a while before he gets used to the idea and promises to help keep her secret before finding out how difficult that can be. In New York, they must part ways. Deryn discovers an impending attack on Goliath by Germans and the Leviathan attempts to foil it, while Alek discovers his friend Tesla is really a madman willing to destroy a city for attacking him and Alek does what he must.

I really like these books. The imagination in construction the clankers and the Darwinists is fantastic and the illustrations are beautiful. The storyline is interesting and compelling. Deryn talks with a strong slang, but it makes sense and adds character to the book. And I love how much common sense Deryn and Alek have even though they are in a young adult novel and young adult characters often seem devoid of common sense. Deryn starts having feelings for Alek and wants to tell him her secret, that she is a girl. But she also scolds herself for her feelings, calling herself names for behaving like a girl twisting her skirt, and doesn't tell Alek because she knows he can't be with a commoner and she'd rather have the friendship than nothing at all. Alek has a bizarre sense of fate and destiny, but is willing to keep an eye out, knowing that fate isn't going to save him from stupidity. They do stupid things every now and then, but everyone makes mistakes. Also, the books are practical, not drawing out long moments of awkwardness. Deryn gets mad at one point because of Alek's disregard for girls, but she doesn't carry that over him in a grudge. When Alek finds out Deryn is a girl, he could have potentially pouted for pages about how she didn't tell him the truth... but he quickly realizes why, and doesn't hold that against her.

The Leviathan series is a good story with compelling dialogue and characters that you just end up rooting for. It is a fun alternate take on actual history, explained at the end of each book. A really good read and I recommend it.