Dreams of Diet

All I want to be healthy, but am plagued by weakness in fortitude. I will look at myself in the morning and be like, "I could almost resolve to give up Dr Pepper," but that night I will be thirsty and want one, or sometime during the day I will just be craving the cold bubbly 23 flavors, or I'll be flagging during a WoW raid and think, "Caffeine, I need caffeine." I've gotten so for the most part, I at least schedule my calorie intake from Dr Pepper. If I have one at lunch, I won't have one in the evening. If I have hard cider in the fridge, I'll often settle for that instead of a Dr Pepper. And hard cider tastes great, too, but I'm pretty sure it's hardly a healthy alternative. Ah, here we go. I just looked it up. Think about this: Dr Pepper is 150 calories for 12 oz, a bottle of Woodchuck's hard cider is 200 calories for 12 oz. So that's even worse.

Oh, just give it up, you say? Switch to diet, you say? Learn to like lite beers, you say? Well, nobody said that last one, I just assumed it be in the list. I can't switch to diet Dr Pepper (or 10. You can say it is for men and that's why I don't like it, and I'll say that's only if men like the taste of artificial sweetener and carbonation that goes flat too fast) because if I was able to switch to an inferior product, I'd be equally able to just give it up. It's just not worth spending money on Diet or 10 for me to not be happy with my drink, force myself to finish it, and then feel physically worse as a result. And lite beer... I drink cider for a reason, and that reason is, I don't like beer. So maybe if you found my some lite/light cider...

Give up drinks altogether? I'm not sure how having a drink (even the non-alcohol type) came to be so special to me, but for the most part, I'd rather have a drink in the evening than desert or candy or those other things I'm attracted to. A drink is my treat. I used to get through hard long days in school or on the internship by thinking about my Dr Pepper at lunch, or something akin to that. It was what made special, the redeeming factor of any day.

Then my other unhealthy problem is just the fast meal. That could be fast food or "I don't have any plans for lunch, but you are home so I feel obligated to make something, here's mac-and-cheese." I want to eat healthy, but when faced with a looming meal-time, sometimes I cop out. David and I also have a strong attraction to cream sauces on pasta and dishes with cheese. And while cheese is supposed to be healthy, nobody ever said it was low fat. Cheese actually is fat...

But whatever. The point is, I have aspirations of being healthy, and then I just don't. Also with exercise. I reached that point of "I can't see any benefit, so what's it going to hurt if I miss a few days?" Though I am trying to get my biking miles up. About 77 so far.

And then I keep thinking, "Well, what if-"... I have no idea what I was going to type there. I switched to my phone and can't remember a half hour back. Um... this is awkward. Basically, I want to change. I want to live a "Life is Good" style life, with all sorts of physical activity. If I was given a choice, I'd have a lot more kayacking, rock climbing, and snowboarding. I love biking and I'll throw in running and boxing for good measure. I want to be active, I want to have fun, and I want to be healthy. I lack the fortitude.

Edit: (since switching to my phone added in a bunch of random symbols I now have to take out) I want to eat healthy partially for the feel-good portion of it. I have more self-esteem when I eat healthy and feel light. If I could switch my drinks for like V8 (though that is expensive) and candy for fruit and actually eat breakfast... maybe I'll get somewhere.