Shows Me

You know how you always see how other people manage their pregnancy/finances/children/spouse/lives/etc and say to yourself, "Pft, I'd never do that." "That's silly."

I wonder if that makes God laugh or He's bored of that one yet.

I have a few to add just from being pregnant.

Pregnant girl at deli while placing order: Well, I'm pregnant, so...
Me thinking: Pft. What does being pregnant have to do with delis? I'm not going to be so particular when I get pregnant.

Turns out, listeria. Apparently pregnant women are more likely to contract listeria and it can have harmful effects on the baby. I found this out after I mentioned that I asked my mother-in-law to bring a bottle of merlot to the hospital and another woman said she asked for a Jimmy John's sandwich.

"What? Why Jimmy John's?"

She hadn't eaten deli for nine months.

Me later: And, could I get my sandwich extra hot?

I just finally explained it to the deli guys (who had heard of it before) that I wasn't just being really picky/weird. They hadn't known I was pregnant because there's a wall between us that comes up to my chin.

By the way, heating pre-cooked meat until steaming makes it safe.


Pregnant girl: After the glucose test, I couldn't get him to calm down!
Me thinking: Pft. What are you going to do to calm down an unborn baby? Sing to him? Rock him?

And then, some other time, you find me rocking my hips, singing "Rock me mama like a wagon wheel..." to my belly. Or wrapping an arm around it because Genevieve doesn't understand the idea behind bedtime and I can't sleep.


Pregnant girl: Usually, it only takes me ten minutes to get ten kicks on my kick counter, but one day it took closer to an hour. I was worried, but thankfully we had an appointment that day.
Me thinking: Pft. He's moving, isn't he? Clearly still alive.

Me a month later: Ginny hasn't been very active today. I mean, she has the hiccups right now, but she hasn't been moving as much as the day before. I hope everything is all right...


Pregnant girl: My baby loves my yoga practice, I can feel him kicking and moving with me.
Me thinking: Why does him pummeling the sides of your internal organs indicate a preference for yoga? Maybe he's moving because he hates yoga... Seems silly to assign preference to someone who can only express in unseen flailing.

Me later: She stops moving when I sing. Maybe it calms her down. Maybe she likes it?


Maybe being pregnant has finally crept up and infected my brain?