Too Much Free Time

Today is the second day I have had work-free and I have already felt the rising guilt and boredom involved with being entirely unproductive. I mean, I'm not even sure what to write on here. Normally I can get by with complaining. It's one of my hobbies.

Ok, it's a horrible hobby. "Linsey, what do you do for fun?" "Well, I read books, play the computer, and make mental snide remarks about my coworkers." To be honest, finding the words to express just what was wrong with any given situation was one of my forms of entertainment. Unfortunately, since I am now unemployed, I have lost my muse.

Which leaves me with a somewhat blank blog post. This is supposed to be my week off before trying to be productive, but taking a week off worries me because I have no idea how long it will take me to be productive. I read somewhere that a particular bestselling author wrote TEN novels before he got one published. Ten! That is commitment, right there! And that demonstrates his commitment to writing. And I have to ask myself, do I have that commitment? Do I have that overwhelming love for the craft or overwhelming faith in my eventual greatness?

Right now, it is unlikely. I have so little faith that I can do this, just hope. Should I just give up now? I love to write (or have written). I have been making up stories in my head since I was a small child. All of that extending period of playing dress-up, make believe, dolls, Legos (I had three brothers), all of that was to provide actors and scope and visualizations for my stories. I didn't "grow out of it" because I had friends who decided it was time to stop playing with dolls. I "grew out of it" eventually, and I mean eventually, when I realized that stories in my head had so much more scope than ones played with dolls on my bed. Well, that, and I found I didn't need to sleep with all my Beanie Babies anymore. They were overcrowding my bed.

So can I do this? I don't know. If I could do it, though, it would probably be the one thing I would want to do more than anything else. I take failure really hard. It is wonderful that I have people, like my husband, who support me fully in this. I guess it's time to see what I am made of.