And now I know better.

If you know me, you know I like drinking. Not hard-core, go to the bar, multiple drinks or anything like that. I drink wine in the evenings and my favorite drink, hard cider, I allow myself on the weekends. Usually, nothing comes of it.

This Fourth of July, I went to my grandparents' at the lake and as usual, there was a wide selection of alcoholic beverages. I had a few beer-level drinks at about 5% and that didn't do anything to me beyond making my stomach feel bloated. Then I found they had wine, so I had some of that. My aunt had gotten me this plastic cup that was like a cross between a goblet and a sippy-cup with my initial on the side. Fun idea, but I had a hard time telling how much I was drinking.

I started to feel buzzed and I really like feeling buzzed. Everything seems funnier, I feel more social, and I enjoy myself up to 27% more than usual. I just wanted to keep that feeling going. So I drank some sangria and started to realize I was more than buzzed, I was probably on the edge of drunk. But I was still having fun and felt good. I told my aunt that I wanted to utilize the feeling while I had it, and "what should I do?" "Have another drink," was the reply.

Now, I know our decision making abilities are supposed to be impaired at this point, but I still knew better. Even so, I got more wine.

Maybe it is just my normal propensity to over analyze whatever I'm feeling, but I soon came to realize I was no longer having fun. I wasn't able to focus, I was saying things I probably wouldn't normally say, I had a hard time walking. I started to feel slightly ill and so located myself on the floor of the bathroom, just in case. I remembered what was supposed to come next.

Well, I didn't throw up, but my eyes started just closing. I left the bathroom and lay down on a bed in the guestroom. I couldn't seem to snap out of it. Tipsy lasts for like half an hour, tops, if you don't keep drinking. They woke me up two hours later and I could tell I was still drunk.

I drank a lot of water and then went back to sleep. When I woke up again at 1:30am, I felt much better and drank more water. Next morning I felt fine.

Doesn't sound like a bad story, does it? I didn't offend anyone, didn't say anything really stupid, didn't even get hungover. But in the process of fooling around, I missed the fireworks, fire pit, sparklers, conversation. And that is not what I wanted out of the Fourth. I like the feel-good feeling, but it's not worth that. And in my general philosophy of life, it calls for enjoying the things you have in the place you are. And I missed them. And while I feel a little embarrassed for getting intoxicated, I'm more angry at myself for wasting all that time and sleeping the evening away.

And so, I don't ever want to get drunk again.