As typical with the coming of a new year (since the apocalypse didn't happen and all), we feel obligated to perform some sort of life review and make resolutions for the next year. Cause we probably bombed the ones from last year, if we even remember them. I know I don't. And also I didn't make my Goodreads goal of 52 books. In some ways it was a weak goal. That's just one book a week when with some books, like the Uglies trilogy, once I got into them, I read one a day. Also the Goodreads thing only counts new books you read and I reread a lot of my favorites. I think I reread the entire Mercy Thompson series again. And probably Scarlet Pimpernel. Stuff like that. I'm still a Goodreads failure.
Oddly enough, I am in a unique position this year. I live in Ames, have my needs met, and have no job. So I could potentially do a number of things. I have the freedom to not work at all, though I would feel like a colossal waste of space and resources. I could write instead of work, though although I like writing, I don't know how long it would take to actually producing something meaningful... like an actual book or published piece. David is all cool with that, but... I don't know. I'm not sold. I'm never going to give up writing. I'm just not sure when/if I'm going to make it a priority. I was thinking either I'd become an author someday, or become something else and write about it on the side.
So what do I want to do this year? Well, thanks to the *ahem* educational last week, there are a few things I want to do.
Mind, I'm not making resolutions yet. That sounds a bit more intense. More, I am reflecting on some things I would like to do. Like I said previously, it'd be nice to start using my time to help people out, i.e. volunteer. Ideally, I think I'd want to volunteer at a couple places, maybe one for a couple days a week and then something on Sunday at church. It'd also be nice to have a flexible part time job as well. Like, really part time, maybe twenty hours a week or so. And that way I'd make my own spending money (cause I really don't like spending his), I'd be able to help out with the house remodeling costs, and support one or two kids from World Vision.
I've been doing a lot of beating myself up recently, first for letting the dog thing go through when I could've said no, then for not liking puppies because everyone likes puppies, and then for wanting to rehome said puppy. Because only some sort of hater does that. I actually had to be like, "Actually, I still like my dreadlocks!" because I felt the need to reaffirm one of my other controversial decisions to make sure I wasn't just a horrible decision maker.
A children's book called "Those Darn Squirrels" defines a grump as someone who hates puppies and pie. The joke currently is that I'm only a half-grump (I still like pie).
Anyway, now I'm feeling guilty because it took owning said puppy to make me think outside of myself enough to consider volunteering. Previously, literally just like three weeks ago, I would have been "Oh, I don't want to work for no money when the money would be really handy... maybe when we're better off." And now I realize that I've been wasting my time and if it is suddenly devoted to feeding, walking, and picking up the poop of an animal that repays me by letting me pet her and shedding on my jeans, I discover how much time I actually have... and consider how it could be used to do something that mattered.
I'm not sure where I would obtain the very-flexible very part-time job. I tried to be part-time at Panera and it wasn't flexible at all. I would want a job that I could go to, work at, and then forget about it until next time I had to go in. Nothing that would stress me out outside of work. Although I am very easy to stress out, apparently.
I've learned a lot about myself.
However, those plans won't work, at least for a while. Either we give the dog away at the end of the month and I can get to it, or I would have to wait until she is older. The maximum amount of time you can keep a puppy in her kennel during the day (no access to bathroom facilities) is her age in months plus 1 (Luna is two months, so three hours max) up to a maximum of six hours (adult). A lot of jobs tend to want you for a bit longer than that. And if you plan on being gone longer than that, you'll have to get someone to come by and take the dog out. Supposedly once they are house-trained and trained not to chew on everything, you don't have to keep them in the crate (although they still can't really let themselves out). That stage will at least be after teething, which is somewhere between three months and eight months. A long time to cage the dog every time you want to go out.
If, for whatever reason, we don't keep the puppy, there are still some things I'd like to continue. And at this point I'm leaning towards not, but it is only day four of my month. I like the dog well enough, and I think I'd like her better in someone else's house. Preferably someone with kids who will love running around the house with her instead of feeling the need to batten down the hatches. But if we don't keep Luna, I would still 1) like to go on walks. Maybe not in 10 degree weather like today, but I enjoyed being outside with David just strolling around and talking. Yes, having a pet will galvanize you into doing it consistently, but I'm fairly certain people can walk without having to pull/be pulled by a dog. 2), I would still like to feel the need to do something. To be active. To not spend all my time on computer games. There is a world out there and I want to get out in it. And 3), I would still like the feeling of closeness with David. That was bit rocky recently, but the overall effect of having an animal in the house has either been me relying on him for dealing with her (I don't have to do it alone), or me having his attention in spite of her (maybe I'm a bit possessive?).
I'm such a half-grump.
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